It’s hard enough maintaining a day-to-day life as a lesbian, but when you’re trying to meet someone for a romantic relationship, it can be even more difficult when you’re also shy. Heterosexual men also have this problem when trying to meet women, but it seems to somehow be worse when you’re a lesbian. For one thing, you don’t always know whether or not another woman is gay unless you meet her under circumstances where there is no doubt. These can be such places as gay/lesbian bars, through friends, or other lesbian activities.
Being in these situations will give you an edge, but it won’t help you much if you can’t get past your shyness. Another term for this type of shyness is approach anxiety. This refers to the debilitating shyness that can take you over when you see an attractive woman that you really want to talk to but simply cannot bring yourself to approach her. This is what you must work to get past because once you do, there are so many new doors that will open themselves to you in the game of meeting new women to date.
First, you’ve got to start doing an exercise that will guide you along the way to getting to the point where you can easily approach women whether you know them or not. The first way to do this is by saying hello to strangers. Do this all the time to everyone wherever you are. Say hello whether they look at you or not and even if you don’t know if they’ll respond back. It doesn’t matter. You’re taking the lead in speaking to someone you don’t know. It’s excellent practice.
Stop waiting for other people you know to come up to you and say hello. You make the first move and walk up to THEM. Go out of your way to do this. Don’t stop and think about whether to do it or not. Just get up and go say hello. Again, this is great practice for coming out of your shell.
Something else you can do is to linger and talk to people that you usually just say hi to. Make small talk with them for a few minutes. There have to be people in your life that you’ve known for years, and yet, you’ve never had a real conversation with. These are the people you can practice with. Start a conversation with them and participate equally in it.
Now, take all that you’ve learned through these little exercises and go to your favorite lesbian bar or club. Go in and order yourself a drink to enjoy while you visually scope out the room. This time will be different because when you spot that attractive woman you would really like to get to know better, you won’t be hiding in the corner feeling sad because you know you’ll never get the chance. This time, you’re going to go up to her, introduce yourself and offer to buy her a drink. This will be the beginning of the end of you going home alone.